Insomnia. Now there’s a word that’ll keep you up at night. Definition: noun; inability to sleep. From the Latin, IN…’tossing’; SOM…’and turning’; NIA…’all bloody night long’.
I’ve only recently discovered this unfortunate phenomenon, whereas my Better Half practically invented it. It used to be that I would be sound asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow while my long-suffering BH would be staring at the boring ceiling for hours and hours every night. Predictably, I would eventually start snoring the loud and grateful song of an accomplished sleeper which would of course only add to the Better Half’s insufferable insomnia and jealous annoyance directed toward her Lesser Half.
In fact, the BH often begrudgingly referred to my impressive ability to sleep anywhere anytime as my “superpower”. And it’s true that I really could sleep standing up and often did. Not anymore. I’ve recently unwillingly and unwittingly joined the throngs of the Frustrated Insomniacs.
According to experts 1 in 3 people worldwide have symptoms of insomnia and this can be even as high as 60% of the population. And guess what they say is the number one cause of habitual sleeplessness. That’s right, it’s spousal snoring. Just kidding, trying to sleep beside a roaring buzz saw is certainly a factor but unsurprisingly the top of the list is stress. And it’s no coincidence that the nocturnal Worry Factor in this increasingly complicated world these days is ramping up faster than D.J. Trump’s criminal convictions.
And yet the dumbest things can keep us up at night. A friend of ours was telling us she couldn’t sleep because she kept obsessing about having to make a simple tossed salad for a potluck the next day. All night long, over and over, putting lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber and carrots in a bowl and pouring in Ranch dressing. And of course a dumb salad is something she could make in her sleep.
And sometimes your brain says, “Ah, I see you are trying to sleep. May I offer you a selection of your worst memories from the last 10 years?”
Some other major factors for causing insomnia include noise, uncomfortable room and/or bed, the ‘big three’: (alcohol, caffeine and nicotine) and shift work. Also, drugs, prescription or otherwise.
And for me, therein lies the rub. And to be perfectly clear I am referring to the totally legal legitimate doctor prescribed lawful pharmacy kind of medication even though people often wonder what the heck “I’m on”. So, without going into the gory details I was recently prescribed some big-time medication and guess what one of the common side effects happens to be? Yep, snoring. Kidding again, though I wish I wasn’t. Insomnia is right up there with several other fairly adverse reactions I get to experience and so now not only can I not sleep, sometimes being awake isn’t much fun either.
But all is good, thanks for asking, except now as the Pintrest website quips, my bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. And now I’m up most of the night worry about the fact that I’m up most of the night.
But I figured I’d solve the sleep deprivation by simply increasing my daily nappage. Just take a few more what clever people call “horizontal life pauses”. No problem, I thought, I just take a half dozen or so HLPs a day! And since you are a lot smarter than I am, you already know that insomnia can destroy naps too. Curse you, Napsomnia!
Which reminds me of one of my oft told favorite jokes. Stop me if I’ve told you before, but did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He was up all night worrying if there really is a dog. (Cue rimshot.)
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.